Why I should be dating George Clooney

So I just saw on Eonline that Beyonce and Jayz got married. Congratulations to them. I have to admit, however, that one part of the initial story left me very upset.

It said that George Clooney was in attendance.

And I wasn’t with him!

So, of course, I called him.

Me: George?

GC: (recognizing my voice immediately) Ally? What’s wrong?

Me: How was the wedding?

GC: What wedding?

Me: The wedding you were photographed attending. The wedding to which I was not your date!

GC: (laughing)

Me: WHAT is so funny?

GC: You’re jealous.

Me: I am not.

GC: It looks good on you.

Me: WE’RE ON THE PHONE!

GC: I have a good imagination.

Me: That is beside the–

GC: Would you have come?

Me: What? Oh…I’m kind of in the middle of a–

GC: Rewrite, yeah. So that’s why I asked. (slower now.) Would. You. Have. Come?

Me: I could have worked on the plane.

GC: You never work on planes. You always SAY you’re going to work on the plane and then you either sleep or do the crossword puzzle in the in-flight magazine. So I ask you again: would you have come?

Me: I don’t know. I’m at a pretty big part in GG3 where—

GC: na.na.na.na I told you I don’t want to know what happens in GG3. I don’t want it spoiled for me.

Me: But it’s–

GC: (louder now. and singing.) I can’t hear you. Hey Matt. (at this point I figured out he was with Matt Damon) I can’t hear Ally. Can you hear Ally?

MD: (Screaming) If Clooney won’t play Joe Solomon I’ve got dibbs!

GC (to MD): I never said I wouldn’t play Solomon. I just said I’ve done CIA before.

MD: Yeah, and I can see how the Oscar might make you steer away from it.

Me: George? Do I really need to be here for this? Like I said, I’m to the part where–

GC: Charlie Rose.

Me: What?

GC: I didn’t go to the wedding. I was in the building doing an interview with Charlie Rose.

Me: (nothing.)

GC: You’re feeling pretty silly now. Aren’t you?

Me: (nothing.)

GC: You’re cute when you’re silly.

Me: We’re on the phone.